We all see the world through our own eyes, regardless of how objective we think we are being while observing, we still see the world through our own perspective. I just watched the movie Revolutionary Road with three other people and noticed how each one of us only paid attention to the part that related to their lives or issues. One who got a divorce recently commented on how the biggest problem in marriage is when two people don't have the same future aspirations any more. One who is unhappy at his job and feels like it's eating away his life commented on how it would feel good to be able to go to work and not give a damn about anything; having that feeling of power that you want to quit anyways so you don't care anymore what happens. One is at a point in her life where she needs to make a decision either to stick around and stay with her boyfriend compromising her career or move away and do what is best for her leaving him behind and that is precisely what she saw in the movie. And then there is me, I understood what the main character was going through, I understood how she felt trapped; living the same day over and over again, knowing that there is much more out there for her but she cannot obtain it because she is trapped in this routine of a life. She has a lot of ambition and dreams but the fact that she has a husband and two kids, stands in her way of following her dreams. She thought her kids stood in the way of her living life as she always wanted to and then she blamed her husband for giving her those kids and sort of forcing her to have them. She wanted to break out of this vicious cycle that she lives in this boring life...nothing seemed interesting anymore!
I am getting to that point too. I think I need a change. It is not that I have a husband and kids but I have other things that I feel entrap me. I need new people in my life...new interests...new hobbies. This song and dance are becoming unchallenging and boring. But what is the point I'll get a new challenge and then what? It is going to become routine again. I'll get new friends, a new boyfriend and then what? I am going to want change again. It is a never ending cycle of always wanting change, something new, something exciting...what happens when I run out of new things to try?
In the movie there was also this crazy guy...the son of the neighbor...but the question is: is he crazy or is he honest and not afraid to say what is on his mind and do as he pleases? Isn't he saying out loud what we all are thinking? Why is he crazy then? Because he doesn't do what the rules of the society tell him to do? One of the people who watched the movie with me thought that he does a lot of thinking which drove him crazy....but couldn't one say that he did a lot of thinking that got him to understand life better? That expected social behavior at the end serves no one and that sugar coding a piece of dirt doesn’t turn it into diamonds. I think we are the crazy ones for following orders and traditions without questioning them; without doing some thinking on our own.
I am starting to lose motivation...I am still exercising and sticking to my goals but I am not excited anymore it just feels like taking medicine now; something you have to do but don't really want to do.
I think I need to find the spark within me. I need to reach a point where I am my own motivation; now that is an ever lasting spark. I cannot rely on others to inspire me and motivate me...I should be the one inspiring and motivating myself and from now on that is how it is going to be!
One comment was made about the movie that scared me a little, which is that what killed that lady and made her unhappy was her ambition. It got me thinking about myself. I am never satisfied with my accomplishments I always think that I could do better, that there is more for me out there. Maybe that is why my high points don't last that long because I am always in search of something new and better. But I do so with the hope that one day I will accomplish something that will bring me satisfaction yet I say this knowing that my nature doesn't allow me to be satisfied...my nature views satisfaction as dangerous as the end of drive and motivation. It makes me wonder...how will it end?
No comments:
Post a Comment